A question came in from a client who was trying to understand the concept of surrender more deeply.

Would you clarify the difference between surrender and defeat or surrender and giving up?

I think surrender is a powerful spiritual state of being and very challenging for most of us to do because it is so difficult. When we encounter a situation that we don’t want, like a health problem or a challenge with a colleague, most often we go into reactive mode. I am going to heal it, you think, by making all these appointments and doing all this research or I am going to send a knee-jerk email to make sure this person understands why I am right. Or we attempt to control the situation by trying to say and do the right things. Most often the reaction comes from a place of “I don’t want this” and I will do everything I can to resist it, fight it, change it and control it. And most often times, this doesn’t really work.

Defeat and giving up seem attached to the ego and how we may appear to others. Defeat means you have somehow lost. It appears with slumped shoulders and feels sort of shameful. Giving up feels like it can be associated with trying to escape uncomfortable feelings. I don’t want to feel this way so I give up. But giving up can also be a form of surrender. I am so tired of fighting, I am just going to give up.

To surrender, we have to just stop acting out our uncomfortable feelings or trying to figure it out in our minds. Surrender is open handed and relaxed. It comes from a place of trusting that everything is exactly the way it needs to be and faith that our experience is unfolding perfectly. In this space of allowing, we are open to healing, to miracles unfolding and to gaining a new perspective. It is a space of healing and full potentiality.

Because this is such a challenging state maybe think about experiencing it in small bits. See if in the situation where you find you are so tied to the outcome, imagine for just a minute letting go of your grip. Or possibly not sending that extra email in the moment of panic. Just notice the space of not doing and notice how spacious it can be.