How do we deal with parts of ourselves that are not particularly in alignment with the person we aspire to be? If we aspire to be compassionate to all sentient beings, it is only natural that we work with the shadows of this quality like being judgmental and critical. When we take action from our shadow, it is challenging not to feel ashamed and become self-loathing. Self-messages like, ‘I am bad, that part of me will never evolve,’ or ‘I keep making changes but that angry self will always keep me stuck.’ Before we know it we are in a pattern: here comes the shadow, the shadow leads us to unfortunate action and then to a process of internal self condemnation. Strangely, it seems like the self-inflicted tough love approach; ‘as long as you are like this I won’t be nice to you’ actually keeps us caught in this loop.

How can we get out of the shadow pattern and dive into a deeper dance, a close dance if you will, with the shadow parts we consistently try to run from? How can we befriend the parts of ourselves we find most challenging? I find treating my most uncompassionate parts with kindness can reorder the communication and help me find a new awareness. When I am willing to befriend my shadow, I find it stops ruling me so much because rather than bursting from the closet when I am least prepared to deal with it, I can take notice and potentially negotiate with it. Most importantly, the dark corners of ourselves are there for a reason; to teach us, inform us, and by opening up to them, we can really open to a deeper level of transformation.