Lately, I have been wondering how different our lives would be if we still corresponded with letters rather than our split-second communication via text, phone, or email. Technology has changed our relationship with time and the immediacy of connection is great when dealing with things like letting
someone know you are running a few minutes late, or to convey other basic, straightorward information. But what happens when our communication ignites charged emotions?

For example, I noticed when a friend texted me at the last minute canceling our walk, my heart rate elevated and before even thinking, I reacted with a text letting her know how I planned my day around the walk. My impulsive self led the exchange. It is that part of me that is out to prove my worth, or defend myself or things connected to my wounded self. Most of the time when I act from this place, I regret it and wish I waited for my intuitive self to be more present. In the moment, I could have said okay and when I was less emotional I could have had a thoughtful conversation with my friend that might create more closeness.

Working with our reactions is an on-going challenge and we need to stay fluid in this process. How can we recognize our emotional charges and allow the reactive/impulsive self to have a voice without necessarily acting from it? For instance you may be involved in event planning with a group of people who are all working with their own emotions and attachments. And maybe you are asked to do something more — it may be on a day when your to-do list is like a weight of bricks and you feel defensive like you are already doing too much. Your whole body becomes tense and you feel flooded with frustration and anger. In the moment it may be worth drafting a response or having a conversation with a trusted friend to vent how you are feeling. This will allow your “impulsive self” space to vent and have a voice.

Then give yourself some time and space to find your way back to your intuitive voice. Often when working with a group dynamic there is a momentum that sometimes it’s worth stepping out of for the moment to see if you can gain perspective of what will honor yourself and be of the most service. Sometimes in allowing space things find their natural landing place. And not reacting has an amazing pay off — you feel clean by not reacting to a trigger and allowing things to unfold.

I wonder if in the era of letters if people had more time to contemplate responses rather than reacting. It seems like in the span between giving and receiving letters there would be a lot of space for reflection. It also might have allowed for a far more elegant, loving and artful response. In reflection we are often able to find our way through the feelings and triggers and recognize they are not fixed but ebbing and flowing. So how can we continue to find skillful ways to navigate this? And allow our-selves the emotions without being pushed into quick action, but to reflect and refrain and find our peaceful center.