Recently, I found myself in conversation with a friend who is creating some amazing things in her life.  I quickly began spouting off ideas based on my experience, giving advice and basically not regarding her process.  It did not occur to me to ask her if she wanted feedback or just close listening.  In reflection, I noticed that offering opinions are not always a way to support and honor each other.  Sometimes it can even be harmful. Most of us engage with each other with little awareness of how we relate, we tell each other what we think and give lots of unsolicited advice.  I find myself wondering about the root of this sort of discourse.

Why do we assume people need to know what we think?  Do we have something amazing to offer?  Or is it just a place to spill our busy minds through expression?  I am not disregarding the power of collaborative processes because in the right context, brainstorming can create powerful results.  What I am questioning is when it is appropriate to express opinions and ideas instead of just listening?

How would conversations unfold if we refrained from giving advice and sought to really understand?  Could our life and relationships change if we were willing to just listen and refrain from saying anything?  Everyone has their own rhythm and by being willing to allow for what seems like uncomfortable silence, we may make room for a person’s deeper experience.  Or perhaps your friend routinely invites feedback, but this inspires them to stop listening to their own guidance while unearthing unhealthy dependency.  If this is true, is this role truly serving?

The truly miraculous possibility in regards to refraining from giving our opinions is trusting that our loved ones deserve and know how to figure it out.  It also allows our relationships to evolve into each of us potentially asking for what we need and not assuming we know what others need.  Keeping lips locked and listening and observing can open up new spaces of self-awareness and change dimensions in close interactions.