The mysterious future can seem pretty scary when we consider how our personal choices alter our lives. Decisions are the basis of being a conscious being; as adults we make on average over 35,000 choices per day and most are so inconsequential we probably couldn’t even track some of these lightweight choices. But beyond the mundane choices of what to eat, when to get up out of the chair or open a drawer, there are bigger decisions, decisions with a capital D.
Decisions. The ones we wrestle with in the night, ones that leave our mouths parched and eyes glazed over when someone is talking. What — did you say something? The choices we weigh out on scales; the heaviness of the choice will determine if we are good or smart or right or if decisions go bad, that we are wrong.
Why are many of us plagued by decision making? I suppose most of us really want to do the “right” thing and in the face of it, it appears that the choice will either be “right” or “wrong”. The fear is that by making an erroneous choice, we could end up in an unwanted situation or unpleasant feeling. Regret, a road not taken, suffering, financial ruin. Yes, these are extreme examples and sometimes the core of making the “right” choices can be based on our desire to do good, be right, be worthy. And maybe decisions are just choices, just one of those 35,000 we make everyday.
How can decision making become easier and more intuitive? It might be helpful to initially get clear on what is at stake. If it is a living situation, or a job, or how to handle a relationship, what will be the result of the decision? With a living situation or job it could be peace of mind, with a relationship it might be the potential to enhance (or jeopardize) a connection. What are you afraid will happen if you make the “wrong” choice? If you take this job you may fear you will find out you aren’t qualified or it isn’t your dream job. Or your fear may be if you tell a friend something that it could create distance. Can you talk to your fears? I am qualified for this job even if I lack some experience and this isn’t my dream job and it’s an okay choice for now. Or I am afraid of how this person might react to my feelings but the relationship deserves true expression.
How can we keep decisions in a healthy perspective? Years ago in a self-help book I came upon a helpful concept. To put the situation into perspective, ask yourself, will this decision matter in a week, will this matter in a month, or will this matter in a year. Buying the dress you really want may matter when you are short next week but probably won’t even be a thought in a month. There are certainly some decisions that will matter in a year, such as accepting a job, moving, a partnership and/or baby. I was really surprised how often I got caught on things that wouldn’t really matter in the short or long term.
When feeling into an important decision, experiment with letting go of making the choice for a short amount of time, for a day or week, perhaps. This enhances the possibility that the solution will surface in a more visceral (and true) way, instead of over-analysis. It could be helpful to feel into decisions and see how it feels or possibly looks if you make one choice. Then feel into the same situation if you make another decision. Contracting or anxious feelings could mean it’s not the right choice where spacious sensations could point toward a yes.
Finally, there is the possibility that indecision is also a decision. There are such negative connotations to indecision and being indecisive. Yet, decisions can be premature: deciding to quit the job, go on the trip, and/or do the website. Most of us don’t really feel comfortable in indecision, the space of unknown and let’s face it, the known is so much easier to sink down into like a comfy chair. Maybe you will quit the job or look for a new apartment, but in those weeks and days of indecision, there is the possibility that the next step is just not yet formed.
How can we relax into decision-making? Maybe we can loosen our tight jaws and shoulder and let go of this belief that decision is tied up in worthiness. We make decisions, and sometimes they align and sometimes they lead to places we did not want to go. What if we can find more spaciousness in our ribcage, quiet the downpour of thoughts and in the space between tap into our deepest knowing of what feels right and what doesn’t. Impermanence is a given: our emotional states and circumstances, things are always changing. So we can make a decision that seems spot on for today only to find out tomorrow, it may no longer ring true. So maybe we can recognize that in choosing, things ebb and flow and change, so our decisions will too. And to take a breath and recognize the power of decisions can align to true enlightenment.